I ran to investigate, and found this:
My little P, mouth flipped into an arc so dramatic that it would be comical but for the two fat tears rolling down his cheeks."I tan't find my baba," he squeaked.
His baba. His pacifier. He is two days away from his fourth birthday.
I found his baba for him, then petted his sweet forehead as he curled back into his brother and went to sleep.
*****
The dentist said, five months ago, that the boys should work on getting rid of their babas. He also said that it's not that important. "You have to worry about your kids," he said, ensuring I would love him forever and recommend him to everyone I ever meet. He cited some new research that indicates some kids have more of a need to suck, because of the way their mouths are shaped. "It's better to keep them on the pacifiers than to have them go to their thumbs," he said.
Music to my ears.
Part of it is me being lazy, I imagine. But part of it is how frightened they look if someone suggests their babas are not long for this world.
I have been present for one substance abuse intervention. I have also dealt with one devastating heartbreak. I remember my loved one's voice cracking, describing their love affair with a drug, and I can remember sobbing to my mother (who, I'm sure, wanted to strangle me through the phone line), "Why can't he just want me?" And my chest constricts when my boys beg and bargain for their babas. In their ping-pong voices I hear the echoes of the same arguments made years ago, not much more sophisticated for the two decades my loved one and I had on the boys, begging for more time.
And I am an enabler, because if it wasn't ruining my loved one's life I would have given him as much time with his drug as he wanted, because it broke my heart to hear him verbally contemplate a future without it. Just as I took two or three more years to move past the man who couldn't want just me, because I lacked the strength to make a clean break.
Which is why I located my Beaker's baba and handed it to him, and tucked him back in. I don't believe it will hurt his teeth, really. But even more than that, I know there are looming in his not-so-distant future so many goodbyes he won't be able to put off. I hope it is nothing so serious as a substance problem, or a lover who strings him along, but he sleeps tonight as he did four years ago, curled against his brother, the two of them partners in a relationship beyond my understanding. There is no sparing him heartache, as these two will have to part eventually for their future lives to begin.
So for now, little P, here is your baba. Your Diffin is right there. Mama's sweet boy, it's okay, we're right here.
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8 comments:
1. you made me cry.
2. according to my mom they made me give up my
'binkie" when i went to kindergarten and i've never had a cavity or braces or anything!
Long Live the Babas!
My six year old is still *very* attached to his beloved binky. We have cut him back to bedtime only but I see him sneaking off to his room for a "binky fix" in the late afternoons. :)
I don't really care how long he wants to use it. It makes him feel secure and in this world, and with all that he has to deal with, that's a big thing.
One of my daughter's daycare teacher's once said to me: "We all survive our parents, so don't worry. If you want to rock your baby to sleep at night, do it. We all learn to walk, we all learn to talk and we will all eventually use the potty." In this case, he will one day lose his baba and not go looking for it. Don't beat yourself up over it.
ok, so... i almost did what jodie first mentioned.*damn it* ...and secondly, straight up, my girlfriends' thumb is kinda deformed.
Oh Fern, you are making me want more babies, babies that can have babas. I agree with letting them have the babas, four is still so small, and so fragile in many ways. If he needs it to sleep well and feel secure I can't blame him.
Plus, if you can keep the thumb out of his mouth it's worth it. My sister has an overbite so bad it's been photographed and emailed to dentists all over the U.S. Why? Thumb-sucking. The dentist actually told my mother to try and switch her from thumb to pacifier when she was about 2.
What the...I was not really expecting to start crying this morning! That was simply beautifully written. I think you're right not to worry, it will all take care of itself.
You made me cry too. My boys still have their suckies. I am loathed to take them away. None of my other kids took a soother, just my preemie little boys. I am struck by how far they have come from those hospital days to now, all with their suckies in tow.
I am not ready to say goodbye to the babies they were.
Brady had his "paci" until he was almost five and only gave it up because he spent the night with my sister who lost the only one he had left. I think it was harder for me than it was him....another sign that he wasn't a baby anymore. He cried, I cried and neither of us slept well that night. Nine months later, he has completely gotten over the loss. I'm still grieving
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